The holiday season can be difficult, even under less stressful circumstances. If you are having any sort of breakdown in your family relationships, it can feel completely overwhelming or even paralyzing.
- Do you ever think about how you can’t wait for the season to pass, or feel resentful towards others because of their expectations for you during this time?
- Do you feel like you are constantly triggered because of topics discussed at family gatherings?
- Do you get stressed because of ALL the obligatory presents you feel you need to get?
- Do you feel more insecure or inadequate because of all the “happy family”, “look at all these presents”, or “look at all these activities” photos posted to social media?
- Do you end up feeling empty and burnt out by the time January rolls around?
If you said “yes” to any of these, let’s take a look at your own beliefs about what the holiday season “should” look like.
- Expectations
One thing that adds stress to our own holiday season is our expectations of what it “should” look like. Maybe it is what traditions you grew up with, or simply what society tells you it should look like. Parties, presents, decorating, traveling, experiences, meals, interactions etc. I want you to really take some time to ponder the following…what do you believe the holidays are supposed to look like? Why do you think that? More importantly, does that vision still feel right and peaceful to you?
Take time to really ask yourself, what do I want this season to look like, AND what do I realistically have the capacity for? Whatever your answer is, it is OKAY. It is okay if your expectations are different than what you grew up seeing. It is okay if your holiday feast is actually delivered pizza. It is ok if traveling is over your limit right now. You do not need to say “yes” to everything. You are responsible for knowing your limits, and meeting your emotional needs. You are NOT responsible for the disappointment others feel when you do not meet their expectations.
- “Thank you for the invite to your party. I will not be able to attend this year. I hope you have a wonderful time.”
- “I know you would like the family to get together for Thanksgiving this year. I am unable to take the time off of work this year. Can we Facetime on Thanksgiving so we can still see everyone?”
- “We will not be doing the family gift exchange this year. Thank you for wanting to include us though.”
- “We are going to start some new traditions with our kids this year. We won’t be coming over on Christmas this year. Would you be willing to get together the day after?” (Or not!)
- Comparison
It is easy with social media to see the highlights of others lives. It is easy to see all the crafts some moms do with their kids and start to feel insecure as a parent. It is easy to see the amount of presents under someone else’s tree and start to feel like you aren’t doing “good enough” for your kids. Seeing big happy families can be triggering if you are struggling with your own (family of origin or family of creation). When friends tag each other in all their gift giving, it is easy to feel left out and alone.
If any of this resonated with you, consider what boundaries you need for yourself to limit the number of triggers.
- Set a time limit on social media apps
- Mute/ unfollow accounts
- Do a daily self compassion meditation
- Take a break and journal about what comes up for you when you are triggered
- Daily affirmations: I am enough. I am a good mom. I am grateful for all that I have, and it is enough. I am learning to feel peace in the discomfort. Etc.
- Social Gatherings
Whether it is friends, family, or co-workers, social gatherings can be a major source of stress. Especially during the current climate, it seems like everyone needs to walk on egg shells to avoid arguments, drama, or personal attacks. Are there topics of discussion that cause contention in certain circles? Are diet culture comments prevalent at the Thanksgiving or Christmas table? Are you pressured into talking about personal struggles before you are ready?
- Drive separately so you can leave whenever you need to.
- Plan on attending, but for a shorter period of time.
- “Please don’t make comments about my weight/ what I eat.”
- “I don’t feel comfortable discussing this right now.”
- Practice coping ahead with difficult situations.
- Limit yourself to only attending x-number of social gatherings so you don’t get burnt out.
- Take time for yourself to regroup after social interactions.
Remember…
- It is ok to not do it all.
- You get to decide what this time looks like for you.
- You are only responsible for managing your own emotions.
- You are allowed to set boundaries and say “no” EVEN with family.
- If you are able to/ want to, where can you meet in the middle?
- You are not competing with anyone else.
- Your needs/ feelings are important.
What are some things you do to not just survive, but thrive during the holiday season?
marendawncoaching.com 